Tom's Erotic Escapades at Meme Mountain
by knightoons
Summary: When the young south African philanthropist Tom realises that he left the oven on, he must gather his belongings and set off on a journey of self discovery to Tesco. While there, he gives birth to four children, and must train them in the ancient art of pigeon racing.


It was a shady and moody night. Twelve years had passed since the green wedding. Sir fedora had viciously ripped apart everybody's anus in an evil terrorist attack. There was only one survivor, and this is his story.

Tom's sexy hair rustled in the wind. He took a picture out of his thick leathered trenchcoat. It was a photograph of one of Adam's favourite fedoras. He clenched his anus in a vengeful wave of hate.

"I'll avenge you." He whispered as a single tear slipped out from under his armpit.

The morning after, Tom set out on his quest to Meme Mountain to slay the great beast titled Sir Fedora. It was a hefty quest, like Helga the Russian weightlifter. He grabbed his weapon of choice, a freshly washed umbrella, and stepped out of his front door.

The first part of his quest was to locate an old friend of his called Joe Wallace. Joe had an _extremely_ impressive knowledge on memes. Joe's bookshelves consisted mostly of encyclopedias on rage comics and sick and fresh memes. Tom was now walking down the crusty pavements of Starbeck rather quickly, as the thought of memes slightly aroused him.

He arrived at the residence of Joe Wallace. A quick rat a tat tat at his tender _mahogany_ door was ought to catch his attention.

"What the fuck do you want, you cheeky little cunt?" Joe asked as he flung the door open. He was dressed in fully memed out clothing, from multiple 'Fffffuuuuu' snapbacks to Harlem Shake slippers.

"I've got a proposal for you" suggested Tom, raising three eyebrows. "I want you to come with me on a quest to meme mountain to slay the great Sir Fedora."

The word 'meme' made Joe ectoplasm ALL OVER the ceiling, but it would be a great dishonor to Joe's reputation to kill such an ICONIC person such as Sir Fedora. It was clear that Joe would take some convincing. Tom was flustered, and in a quick attempt to change his mind, he did the only thing he could think of. In an erotic flash, Tom displayed all twelve of his unique body rolls and high kicks. They were so magnificent that even Leslie Hall would be impressed.

"Jesus titty-fucking christ!" ejaculated Joe, who was now shivering in anticipation. Joe rushed back into his living room to grab all the memes he could find. He quickly shoved them into his bulging backpack and they set off on their lovely fucking quest.

Right that darn second, they walked up to the streets of starbeck. During their walk, they saw a dead bird in front of the building they thought to be Leighs home.

"'ere, that's mingin - Is it dead?" Tom yelled to himself. An unexpected foot, wearing a slimy green coloured croc, glided in front of Toms eyes kicking the bird out of sight.

"Gross!" The owner of the crocs shouted. They were wearing a strange mask that looked like it was from an anime that was vaguely familiar to Tom.

"Leigh! Is that you?" exclaimed Joe.

"What the heck!" Leigh yelled in shock "I was just on the way to grab me some **giant **hot dogs. Now you're here turning this into a chog of a situation."

"Leigh, you're coming with us or i'll drown you in a tiny ball pit and lock you in the school prison. We're trying to catch the menacing Sir Fedora with his 137,972 subscribers on youtube. Have you heard of him?" Joe asked.

"Of course. Fedoras; _are awesome _after all!" Leigh squealed in an anime pitched voice.

Tom and Joe walked away and both grabbed their meaty, tender arms to share some juicy gossip.

"He's one of them. We can't have him on the meme dream team." Joe cried.

"Look, you hypsersexualsing, pansexual, women hating, cishet. You are a literal neckbeard who is worse than hitler. We're having him on the team. He knows Sir Fedoras secrets. Now, start thinking rationally or i'll block you on facebook."

Joe started to tear up slightly as Tom pinched his ear and dragged up over to Leigh.

"Come on crew, let's rock like Bon Jovi"

They travelled on their bikes that appeared out of Leigh's anus as it was summertime and it was great. They eventually got somewhere on the top of meme mountain. That somewhere being Sir Fedoras lair. They started yelling about how Sir Fedoras fantasies cannot ever be quenched to try get him to open the door. Sir Fedoras belly started to rumble making the ground shake.

"**You frikin fricks!" **a giant thunderous voice hooted.

The door opened revealing an obese 10 year old with a beefy fedora. It was time to duel.

Tom swiftly flipped his fedora onto his deformed head, like a snapback, to show Sir Fedora what a giant strapon he was. Faster than an electronic two-year-old, Leigh whipped his 6 pigeon belts from his waist and flapped them about like octopus legs. Doing this he fucking 720-no-scoped that noob, Sir Fedora. Unfortunately, Joe had been left behind, no one gave a shit tho coz they already thought he was dead.  
"QUI_III_IIII_CK_!" screamed Tom in agony, "RUN BEFORE THE _**SICK MEMES**_ APPROACH YOU!"  
Leigh, caught in the act, remembered that he had some stolen illegal animes in his back pocket.

"Here, catch!"

Tom scattered about, doing a sick **b****l****a****c****k ****o****p****s** **2 **crawl to the tapes, knowing they were the cure to the madness.  
"Mwuahaha you filthy sausage, my sexy side-kick, Donkey is gonna wreck ur nips into squares like croutons" snickered Sir Fedora.

Suddenly donkey emerged from the back of Sir Fedora's flabby legs. Donkey launched towards Tom at 420 MLGs per hour, and he was knocked out. Tom could see the light. It lingered towards him like a proper stinky trump.

"haha sick I'm fucking dead" he said in a weak voice. But before he could be released into the fresh cornfeilds of the deceased, a hand appeared on his shoulder.

"Don't be scared, child. I am here." said the mysterious man. It was really him, the one and only Michael Rosen! Tom was back up on his feet and ready to fight. Michael Rosen swiftly whipped out his mum's chocolate cake and stuffed it down Tom's throat. Tom now had the power of 4,000 men.

"Let's fuck this lad up, boys" he said. Joe and Leigh both nodded. The three of them dashed towards Sir Fedora. Tom took his dirty boots and swung them so far up Sir Fedora's rectum that at least fourteen memes were vomited from his mouth.

"You've killed me!" cried Sir Fedora. He let out one last meme.

"FFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" he cried, as he passed away.

"We did it. We really did it." said Joe.

"But was it worth it Tom, do you feel better?" asked Leigh. Tom was finally at peace. Tom was filled with #feels from head to toe, and he felt Adam's velvety touch one last time.

"Let's go home" Tom finally said, pleased with the outcome of his quest.

That night the three of them had a right rave in Joe's back garden. There were plenty of memes to go around after they looted Sir Fedora's kitchen! Tom knew that Adam was looking down to him from above, and he knew that what he did would've made Adam proud. Suddenly there came a loud knock at the door.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" asked a mysterious voice in a scottish ogre-like voice. Tom gasped in shock.

To be continued….


End file.
